days need to be longer!

I’m so tired! I’m having the hardest time not falling asleep. I so desperately want to go make a cup of tea or coffee that has caffine in it. I can easily do without the milk. I’m over that craving and chocolate. Caffine though is…. Severly missed!

I’m back to biting my nails. I really want to know If Delilah really has gained weight. Every ounce counts at this point. Its a little nerve wracking when people comment who have no idea of the situation that she’s small, under weight, and not near the size she should be. Its been 5 months of knowing that fact. Its been five months of trying to correct that. I’m doing everything the collection of Dr’s have suggested. 

I’m pumping and fortifying the milk. She’s nursing on demand. She’s eating!

And finally slowly she is now gaining even if it’s an oz at a time… I’m just so damn thankful it’s increasing!.I just really want to know the dang number. Its so hard to not be like please weigh her every day!

The Dr said I can cut back from giving 2 oz of pumped fortified milk every 3 hours to just 1 oz after she nurses. But like I have this little voice in my head going “is it really enough?” or did she really get full on just nursing at the The breast? I just like have no confidence in nursing at this point.

Its hard to with every time it feels like she was growing she wasn’t. Or shed drop weight.

She seems so much heavier now. She is over 12lbs now and still in the 3% range. Delilah doesn’t fit in some of the 0 to 3 month sleepers. Well she technically still does but they fit her with no real room to grow. So I’ve packed them up and brought out the 3-6 month sleepers.

The size 1 diapers are also getting to be a little snug. So we might move to the next size up once we run out of the current size. Just then she might need the other size!

the dairy free diet seems to really be working. I’m glad the new Dr listened in that Delilah was showing all the signs Abigail did and Abby was allergic to milk (she out grew it by around 4 years of age).

So far everything seems to be going pretty great.

I’m just trying to finish transitioning the house from Christmas to new years. I still have the tree and lights up since those won’t come down until the three kings day. Its just the rest of the stuff I’d like packed and put away to make room for decorating for new years eve and my oldest daughters birthday.

Olivia is turning six years old! God Lord is she turning into such a sweetheart and a little lady.  Every day that passes she grows in confidence and independance.

Its really hard to let go somedays.

I remember being Abigail age (4) and riding my bike and playing in the road with other kids. The thought of letting my kids run off and do that while I’m inside is terrifying!

I’m never gonna be that laid back as a parent! 🙂 how did my mom do it?? Was it really that much of a different world then compared to now?

My baby girls are my world.

So I compromised and am like parking my ass down on the road /drive to nurse liley and/or crochet while my girls play with their bike’s or scooters on the road to wherever.

I trust my girls will be good and play nicely. I just don’t trust the rest of society. There are just to many stories of missing kids.

I love our neighbor’s and it’s a real awesome feeling to know they care as much as I do. they make every effort to make sure no strange cars are around and they come out inspect the areas if a strange car is in the area. Gotta love country life and country love!

So aside from me being generally exhausted all the time… I kinda feel like I’m getting over the ppd. Its not really comfortable being so sad, depressed, crying and so forth feeling like a damn stanger in my own body with wild hormones! Its not me. I don’t like these thoughts.

I really enjoy time at the gym. Its the best reinvestment my family has done recently. Working out and doing stuff is a real emotional boost for me.

I feel so much better just cutting back on doing so much and only doing what I enjoy. So lately its obviously cleaning…and taking care of the kids and home.

But for the extras aside from the gym and working out… My girls and i have been working on crafts; painting, sewing, crocheting, weaving, bracelet making, etc. Santa brought all kinds of new goodies to use and do! 🙂


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